To Blossom
by Meira-bates
Summary: Something happens to cause the TMNT to drift apart and they all start living their own lives. Will they ever come together again, or will thier lives keep them seperate? Written in journal format
1. Default Chapter

To Blossom

"And the day came when the pain it took to stay in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom" - A poster in 'the Maxx'

October 2020- Donatello

Twenty-eight years, yet it still seems I'm an eighteen year old. Time is vexing like that. Two moments in the same day...and one can seem like it happened an eternity ago, while the other feels only five minutes have passed since. Ten years now...ten years we've lived mostly apart. What once was a tree with four branches has aged and withered, leaving only a single branch behind.

Time, while kind to us as individuals (for the most part), was harsh to us as a group. Forgive me, I ramble. My name is Donatello. If I must have a last name, Amatory works. It's pretty bad when a person can't even reflect in writing with out getting off track, eh? Well...let me start over, hopefully I'll get to the point this time.

Today was unofficially the twenty-eighth birthday of my brothers and myself. Why unofficial? Considering we were four normal turtles, mutated by ooze, and raised by a rat that had been through like wise, we didn't exactly have an idea or any of our exact birth dates. The day that master Splinter got a way to keep track of the days was when we were all dubbed a year old. After that we've all aged together, of course. So, unofficially, we lived together for eighteen years.

I am getting ahead of myself again, however. Let's rewind to age seventeen...

It wasn't too long after my brothers had saved me from where I had been imprisoned by Baxter Stockman. What happened before that point isn't important to my story. Just know that Baxter captured me somehow during battle, and started testing chemicals on me before my brothers freed me. Thus I have no idea if it was natural or some effect of the chemicals I was forced to breath , but either way, I started exhibiting evidence of having gained advanced mental powers. I doubt Baxter would give me such abilities on purpose, so it must have been natural...or pure accident.

I really hate being an accident... It's as if I'm no more than someone's trash, something that no one wanted. My mutation was an accident, my intelligence is probably an accident along with that, and now my mental powers are likely accidental as well. Back on track again... I returned home and suffered with the fact that I was unable to control my new found telekinesis and telepathy. Understandably, such things lead to a lot of misunderstandings and irritation.

Even after I gained control, however, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was resented. I knew their every thought for a while. Some of those things I should never have found out. Also, because of me, because I was captured, we were no longer a secret to humanity. Baxter made sure of that. Baxter. There's a part of me that wishes I could torture him for all his worth. It's a deep, angry, buried, locked away part I try never to listen to.

Don't get me wrong. Baxter deserves to pay, but no one deserves torture. My anger seems to get the best of me sometimes. It's like I just pass out and wake up somewhere else, but when I ask no one knows anything about it. That or they all just refuse to talk. Speaking of which, back then my need to separate was festering somewhat quickly. I felt alone enough already, but now... Sure, the mental abilities are cool and all, but they are the last thing I could have wanted. It meant an even larger gap between me and the others.

That gap ate away at me. I wanted to be on my own so I could travel and learn without worry. So I wouldn't have to be part of a teaching of a religion I do not believe in, as well as the fact I already dislike conflict. On top of all that my brothers do not seem to understand me.--

September 2010- Michaelangelo

Dear diary...I've always wondered why some people start out diary entries like that...it's not like you'll ever reply to me.

Anyway, We got Donny back a few days ago. It's kinda strange now, Donny's acting differently. He's still Donny but, it's like he's even more of a hermit than before. He almost seems sad. You figure a guy'd be happy to get abilities like what he got. I do have to admit it gets kind of annoying when it's not controlled though...and Donny never did seem to be into the whole power thing. He always seemed more like he was working for our sake.

Don seemed like much more of a necessity and convince guy than he did some power hungry one. So maybe he didn't want this at all. Especaily considering how mad it can get Raph when Don 'overhears' things he shouldn't, and how embarrassed Don can get when he projects things he's not trying to. ...so...maybe this whole brain power thing ISN'T such a cool idea. Really, when I think of it, Don doesn't seem to be doing so well when it comes to that stuff on the news about humans dealing with the fact that mutants really do exist.

Maybe he's worried that he's done something to hurt us all by getting caught. That can't be right though, he couldn't help that he was captured. If anything it's our faults for not being able to save him! Guess I should talk to him, it wouldn't be right if he's really blaming himself for all this. I'd never forgive myself if he really was thinking like that and I did nothing to help him feel better about it. Yeah, I'll talk to him tomorrow about it! Right now he's likely deep into making an invention and wishing he could fall asleep.

I should be asleep, but you know me. I've got a video game that I'm soooooo close to finishing, it's calling my name over and over again. I'll never be able to sleep as long as it goes unbeaten! So I'm off now to play, hopefully I'll remember to talk to Don tomorrow.

Mikey

September 2010- Leonardo

Things have not been the same since Donatello was returned to us. He seems even more off than usual, yes, but the others seem affected as well. I likely have changed some as well. It makes me uneasy knowing that the world above most certainly knows we exist now. Who is to say that they will not be gassing the sewers in hopes of killing us one day?

I am hoping that the humans will leave us be, obviously. The changes within the lair itself are what worries me greatly, however. It is a wonder if master Splinter feels it as well, because there is the chance I am misinterpreting the air about our home. Raphael seems even more restless than usual, Michaelangelo seems more quiet, Donatello seems even more reclusive than ever before.

Donatello's actions imparticular are worrying. I can not tell if this is all just his reactions to what was done to him or if there is some underlying thing that is bothering him. Then again, this never did seem to be my strong point. Other's feelings... I have not a single clue as to what might be on anyone's mind right now. What I do know, it feels as if something terrible may unfold before me soon.

I shall try to keep an eye on things as usual and if I am wrong in this... Please let me be making the correct move.

As for the happenings of the day, things went surprisingly normal despite everyone's strange behaviors. Michaelangelo was dragged from his video games, Donatello from his lab, and all four of us went about our training. Michaelangelo returned to his games, Donatello to his lab, and Raphael to whatever it is he passes his time with. I have my ideas on what that is, but I have no certainties. I was left to continue my daily activities in near silence as they all slacked in their own ways.

Despite the revelation of mutant kind, us imparticular, my life still feels like an old myth in these days. It is retold again and again, but each time with small additions or subtractions in detail. The same story, different teller...the same things, different days. It is foolish, but at times like this I almost wish that there were still enemies to defeat. I feel strange, not having any missions given or taken for so long, after how much we did for the past few years.

Has my usefulness truly reached it's end?

September 2010- Raphael

Wish I could find that bastard Baxter about now. Not only are those powers he gave Don driving me up the fuckin' wall. Not ONLY did he show our existence to all of fuckin humanity. But I know he had to've hurt Don somehow too. I'd love to make sure that Baxter's head got introduced all close and personal like to his own ass. I feel like such a fuckin' pansy writing in this damn journal, but Splinter decided one day that maybe writing down our thoughts would solve some problems. Has yet to work with anything that I've noticed...

Meh! This is like talking to myself! No one's going to read it unless they wanna sai shoved through their god damned head and this stupid book in't gonna start answering me. But, eh, with some of the things I've done...it's worth a try to keep doin' it... Who knows? Maybe some day, it'll actually work!


	2. 2010, Fall

((Author's note: I promise things will stop sounding repetitive a LITTLE later into the story. You know, when the guys aren't all writing about the same incidents? And as much as it may seem it for now, this ISN'T a Donatello centric story, please bear with me. . Especially since this is my first REAL attempt at a fic.  
Also, due to Buslady asking I figured I should specify...you could say this is in my own version of the TMNT's reality...obviously Baxter's still around, I've made no mention of April or Casey yet...dunno if they exist or not...the rest I'm still trying to form as I go on. It's highly unlikely we'll be hearing from Shredder, however. I always did have problems dealing with organizations like the foot.))

Chapter One, Fall, 2010

October 2010 (on the guy's B-day) Raphael

Today was my birthday... Some birthday. First Donny's powers were actin' up again last night, and he SAW what I did the night before last. Dammit! No one was supposed to know about HER! Much less what happened with her... I was already drinkin' before that fuck Baxter messed with Don, an' now I just drink more. 's not like there's anything better to do. Unless you're Leo and you're satisfied with spending you life on ninjitsu so you can be all perfect and shit.

I thought this woman I always see at the bar understood me an' liked me an' everything. I don't know, maybe I got too drunk for once, or maybe somethin's wrong with her... We got a bit too friendly that night, an' she found out what I am... Even though I'm a freak she didn't seem to be bothered. A little surprised, but not bothered.

This woman, she always seems so nice an' friendly. Not like whore friendly mind you... Sometimes I wonder what she's even doin' in the bar. She seems happy enough, an' I don't remember seeing her drunk now that I think of it. Mary...that's her name, dunno why I didn't use it earlier...she was FINE with what I am. She accepted me but, when we were gettin' ta know each other better, she freaked out on me.

I didn't know what to do, so I left...an' Don? Last night he saw it all. He saw every fuckin' minute of it and he broad-casted it to everyone else in the lair! I know he couldn't help it but...I was so pissed off between that and Leo comin' to start another lecture...I dun even wanna know what Splinter will say to me tomorrow...

Don's gone...he left 'cause of me. If I hadn't been sucha jerk- I always thought I'd be the one to go. Now Don's no where to be found because he feels bad about a whole fuck-load-a-things that aren't his damn fault, an' I didn't help for shit. I hope Don's ok wherever he is. I dunno what I'll do of something happens to 'im... I mean, me an' Don...we never had the best of relationships. Really I felt like we avoided each other... As much as I know it aint so...I always felt like Don would talk smart to make me feel my face in it tha' I could never understand 'im, cause he was so far beyond me... Now he's gone...and now I feel sorry...but I can't tell 'im that...an' I don't know if I can ever tell Mary either.

Damn, this is the birthday from hell!

October 2010 (on the guy's b-day) Michaelangelo

Dear Diary,

I don't understand how I knew it but, ever since Don's projections about feeling sorry for Raph the night before last, I knew someone was going to get hurt really bad. Someone was going to be gone in the morning. I felt it so hard that I prob'ly looked sick, cause I FELT sick. Don left and, as much as part of me feels like I should be blaming myself for not remembering to talk to him, I have a feeling it wouldn't have really made a difference anyway.

All four of us looked for him 'till dad was getting tired. I dunno if I can fall asleep tonight. I'm so worried about Don but we don't know where to look and if we don't rest we might never be able to find him. I've gotta /try/ to sleep now though.

Mikey

October 2010 (on the guy's b-day) Leonardo

It seems I should listen to my hunches more often. I am worried for everyone now. I should probably speak with them all, but why do I feel as though I should speak with Master Splinter? He seems to becoming more and more stressed lately, yes, but how would my speaking to him relieve him of it?

I should think of some way to reassure master...the more I think of it, I realize that it must trouble him to have his strange sons coming of age during such a worrisome event. I feel confident that we WILL find Donatello. Though it is foolish of me to think so... I kept hoping that Donatello was just doing chores, that he had not really left. I kept staring at the doorway, expecting to see him walk through.

He left us. His letter proved that. I have to work harder now. We MUST find Donatello and be assured of his safety. I can not allow myself to give up.

October 2010 Raphael

Over a week later and still no Don. I'm really starting to give up hope that he's ok... I'd been gettin' drunker...but Mary showed up again. I kinda feel better now. She apologized to me. let me know what happened between us was none of my fault. Then she talked to me, got me to open up about what was going on at home. Mary, the more I know 'er the more mysterious that woman is.

I really like that woman...accepts me, knows how to calm me down an' cheer me up without being annoying...she worried about me too. She's really a good friend and somehow I know next to nothing about her. She's like a...a...what's the word? Eh...it's like she has no past...no future...just...the present, in the bar. I think next time, I'm gonna stay sober so I can talk more with her.

November 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

We've looked for almost 3 weeks now. I've given up hope. I can't let the guys know though. I'm surprised they are even looking anymore. Then again...maybe all three of us are still looking for the same reason. Maybe none of us think Don's really out there...we just wanna reassure our brothers anyway. Raph's been out more and more lately.

He usually stinks of booze more and that means he fights with Leo more. I feel alone now, like Donny took some invisible string that held us together when he walked out on us. Heh, walked out on us...now I sound like some kid that got abandoned by his father. Really though, it's not too different. Don was what kept us going. Soon something important will break and none of us will know how to fix it. Luckily, master Splinter's around for the medical stuff.

One day we'll have to go back to the way things were though. Back to getting every meal as we need it cause we can't store food, back to no tv...back to no electricity. Then again...maybe if this thing with the humans goes ok...maybe we can get help. I can't really see things working like that, but weirder things have definitely happened.

Mikey  
--November 2010 Leonardo

It is getting harder and harder to hold my temper with Raphael. Since Donatello's disappearance he has been degenerating. Thankfully he has actually improved some in the last month. I do not know why that is, but whatever the reason it is a good thing.

I have had the dojo to myself a lot lately. It troubles me more than I'd like to admit. I feel I should try to cheer my brothers up, but how would I? On one hand it seems they'd prefer it if I just left them alone. On the other it would be dangerous to just let them go on wasting away like this. I've decided... Tomorrow I will try to gather my brothers for training again.

Hopefully this action will ease Master Splinter. He seems so tired lately. I feel if I do not act quickly somehow, I'll let everyone down.

November 2010 Raphael

It felt really good sparing with Leo and Mikey this morning. I guess I've been staying away or coming home drunk so much that actually being around while sober was actually refreshing. Anyway I've been talkin' to Mary a lot. She's from some place in Texas. The way she talks about it makes me want to go, but after talking about it she'll go on about what a dump it is. Eh, I bet it's just cause she lived there. We all wanna live somewhere different don't we? 'Least I know I sure as hell do.

Anyway...Mary's planning to move back to Texas soon to live with a friend for a while. I think she's hiding from something. The more I talk to her the more she seems a bit paranoid. Somehow I know I can trust her though... If I could learn more about her, maybe I'd tell her more about me...

November 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

Things almost feel like they're back to normal already. Except for the big Donny sized gap, anyway. Maybe things aren't so hopeless for us. Master Splinter doesn't seem to trust it, but it sounds like one of the candidates for President was actually talking mutant rights. I'm amazed anyone's taken to our existence this quickly. Maybe we've underestimated them?

Then again there are plenty of people on TV, muttering about how the guy's missing a few screws. Who knows though, maybe if he does well, just maybe things will change, as if they haven't changed enough ALREADY. That's actually all I feel like I'm waiting for. ...When the next BIG change arrives... It'd be great if that next big change could be Donny showing up to fix the leak in the faucet.

Mikey

November 2010 Raphael

I gave in an talked more to Mary about myself. Now she feels sorry for me and she's offering to take me to Texas with her. Says she's gotta talk to her friend first, but that's ok, I need time to get my shit packed before the departure date anyway. Even though I didn't really feel like it, I told master Splinter my plans. He didn't try to stop me or anything, but I knew he wasn't happy.

I don't know if I'm more ticked with him for making this a little hard or me for being bothered so easily. The important thing was that he gave me his blessing, and that's all I need, right? Great...now I'm writing like I expect this damn piece of paper to magically answer all my goddamn questions.

I'm not going to talk to Leo or Mikey. I just can't bring myself to do it for some reason. I doubt my leaving will affect them half as bad as when Don left anyway. Damnit...alright, I gotta stop thinking about this.

November 2010 (Thanksgiving) Raphael

Mary's friend actually agreed to let me come with her. Mary had to make a lot of changes in her plans though. I can't believe she was going to be crazy enough to use a motorcycle THIS time a year. We're going on a bus instead now. Part of me wonders if Mary and her friend really are this interested in getting me a better life, or if it's Mary's safety they're ensuring. Either's fine with me though...

Today is what the people on street level call Thanksgiving. It sounds like every other day to me...just with more food. I wonder if it'll be any different once I get to Texas. Even with it just being a normal day, the idea of what today is supposed to be...sitting with the guys like this...damn I'm turning into such a sap. I miss them already and I haven't even stepped out the fucking door yet!

I still wonder if this isn't some kind of dream I haven't woken up from yet. Humans shouldn't be taking to us so well. They're supposed to not understand... I dunno...maybe the fact they were introduced to us through the sight of Baxter treating poor Don so badly brought us all some sympathy and showed the world that we have minds of our own. Ah well...this'll probably be my last entry before I'm off on the bus to Texas.

November 2010 Leonardo

Raphael seemed troubled at dinner last night. I would have ventured to ask about it, but Master Splinter seemed to have saw through my thoughts and shook his head at them. So I left it alone, but Raphael is acting more and more strangely. I just know he's hiding something. I still have the sinking feeling that things are heading in a direction that I will not like at all. Somehow I feel that everyone is pulling away more, even-though we are doing well again. It is as if there is something nasty waiting just below the surface of the sewage.

November 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

Well the next big change happened. Raph's gone now too. I'm surprised Master Splinter would just let him keep this a secret from us. Then again, I guess Raph did need to go, and saying good bye might make him want to stay...or something...sometimes I don't really know when it comes to Raph. Anyway, now it's just Master Splinter, Leo, and me. I'm really not looking forward to this. Don't get me wrong...I love Leo and dad...but the both of them can be so stuffy...especaily TOGETHER.

Meh, it's not like I can't deal. Besides I don't really have anywhere to go... Things look like they're going good for mutant and human relations though. Strange considering we aren't even negotiating with them. At least as far as I know we aren't. ...I can't believe I didn't wonder till now if there were MORE of us. Then there's the fact it COULD be Don.

Eh, at this rate maybe I'll be able to find a way to put my non-ninjitsu talents to use...  
--November 2010 Leonardo

Donatello is gone. Raphael is gone. I am sure Michaelangelo is not far behind. Am I destined to be a lone ninja now? It seems it is so. I have nothing of interest in the outside world and I have dedicated myself entirely to ninjitsu. I shall be standing still after I am needed, besides, my master is still with me and Michaelangelo has not left us yet. Perhaps I have been too negative?

Yet my thoughts have all been correct thus far...

November 2010 Raphael

I'm on the bus...and it's starting to get pretty damn cold. Good thing I brought stuff to wear and bundle up in for this trip. Mary's been trying to help keep me warm sometimes. It's nice...would be a lot nicer if the bus wasn't so uncomfortable. I can barely write in this stupid thing, so I'm not gonna write much. I gotta say I've been wondering a lot about what it'll be like in Texas, especially since I'll be living with Mary and her friend Rhonda, and Rhonda's father. Mary said that Rhonda lost her mom four years back and ever since then...well I reminded Mary a lot of how Rhonda's become, that's how she warmed up to me.

November 2010 Donatello

The last three months have felt amazingly surreal. Somehow I've manged to become very lucky despite the things that happened to me in the past. I'll admit I cheated a little here and there, but if I have a talent, I shouldn't let it go to waste when it comes to trivialities. Strangely I can actually thank Baxter for something, but I've gotten a little ahead of myself already...

I'd been living on the streets for sometime. I passed my time working on the usual things...survival, inventions. I was trying to learn to control my abilities on top of that. It took me a good deal of time but I'd managed. However, I continued listening in on thoughts in hopes of keeping track on the current status of things in general. One day I'd stumbled across the thoughts of a rare man who came from a rare company. At least they both seemed rare to me.

This company was dedicated to getting the homeless off the streets. Not by just taking them in, mind you, but by making an investment in the ones that seem to have promising skills. Or in other words, they try to find useful homeless folks on the streets and then they give the homeless folks enough support to go into the business of their choice. They are government funded, but after so long the ex-homeless person will have to hire out to the folks that the company has picked up.

Why'd I bring this man up? You see upon having heard his thoughts I decided to take a chance and try to use my technical skills to get his attention. It worked and finally I ended up where I am now. It's been a bit hard to adjust of course. I'm living among humans now. Some of them don't seem to notice the difference, others stare thought they try not to. More often than not I'm met with glares of distaste. Finally there are those that recognize me somehow from the Baxter ordeal...but then they'd probably confuse my brothers for me.

It's not terrific here but it's better than living on the streets, and I'm slowly working my way into getting a little business of my own. I worry I won't get much business, but anything is worth a try. If I'm successful I'll do what I can to take care of the guys...if I can even find them by then.


	3. 2010 and 2011, Winter

-Chapter 2, Winter 2010-2011

--December 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

God I'm dieing here. I don't even want to imagine Christmas without Don and Raph. Things are too quiet. WAAAAY too quiet! I'm practically SUFFOCATING on SILENCE here! ...Ok got that out of my system...

-Mikey

--December 2010 Leonardo

It has been very quiet lately, very still. I can almost FEEL Michaelangelo's energy threatening to explode. He's been so much calmer and quieter lately, but the more I see him like this, the more I can feel his usual energy building to dangerous extents underneath the surface. He does not like the state of things, of that I am a good deal certain. However, even master Splinter seems restless. I fear it even feels as if he is growing distant.

--December 2010 Raphael

Well I'm in Texas now and things are kinduh weird. Nothing I didn't expect though. The people that Mary and me moved in with are really awkward around me. The ol' man seems to be a really nice guy though. He's gotta be though since he's letting his daughter's friend and a total stranger live in his house. The ol' guy runs some kinda bar or club or somethin' that's not too far away from here.

His daughter Rhonda already seems like she'd as soon kill me as hafta look at me. I dunno if it's that I'm a stranger so she doesn't trust me that much, that I'm a guy, that I'm with her friend, or that I'm a strange guy with her friend. I'd guess it's the first and third parts though...since Mary says she's a lot like me. I can already tell it's going to be a /real/ barrel of monkys being around THAT girl. Too bad sarcasm don't stand out as much on paper.

--December 2010 Donatello

Things are still going rather slowly. That isn't any sort of surprise. People are getting ready for Christmas now. It will be awkward this year... I'll be spending this Christmas with humans, and all of them are people I hardly know. I certainly can't afford any gifts.

It's almost as if I have gone from Christmas for the poor to Christmas for the clinging to life. On the bright side of things, more and more people seem to be getting accustomed to having me around. Of course, it's coming about slowly but I am being treated normal by more of the people here. I am going to stop writing my thoughts and go to sleep now.

--December 2010 Raphael

Mary took me out shopping today. Something wasn't right, but I didn't notice anything wrong either. Things just felt funny I guess. It WAS my first time getting Christmas presents out in the open, away from home, without the guys. Eh, either way nothing happened so it must notta been important.

Mary's giving Rhonda and her old man Emory gifts from 'both' of us. Of course everyone's going to know they're from her, I don't have a job and no one's expecting me to get one with me being a mutant and all. It's like being mutant is a handicap. They either think ya can't work, won't work, or no one will hire ya. Part of me likes it. If no one is expecting feces, no one's going to be disappointed and giving lectures and all that feces.

On the other hand I want to beat someone senseless for acting like I'm not AT LEAST just as good as any old human.

--December 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

I guess shopping for two people is easier than shopping for four. Except I'm left with two of the harder ones to shop for. Maybe dad could use a new tea set and maybe Leo needs a new candle holder. No and no again. They'd probably kill if they got gifts like that. New incense burners? That should work, but I still need more...

I don't even know if they like the things I get them, but I'm not sure of what to get them. I could get Leo some new ink bottles. Yeah, maybe that'll do it. What about Master Splinter though? Guess I'll answer that when I go shopping. Things are still pretty boring here.

-Mikey

--December 2010 Leonardo

It feels so strange only having to shop for Michaelangelo and Master Splinter. Sometimes I still get us too much when I go out for food. I got Michaelangelo some game he has been drooling over. Lately I have been putting lots and lots of work into a painting for Master Splinter. I hope it is good enough in the end to serve as a good gift. If not I will do my best to get him a nice kimono.

We are going to be decorating sometime soon. Things likely will not be so happy this year. Michaelangelo seems different. As I said, it is like he will eventually explode, but he also seems, dimmer I suppose. Like his energy is being drained into the coming explosion. I certainly am not very happy either. It is a wonder how the holiday will effect things, none the less.

--December 2010 Donatello

No Christmas gifts this year...and that's alright. I haven't exactly earned ANYTHING. It was almost silent today. Everything was so inanimate...so different than usual. I couldn't do much in my current position, so I've been using my time to think of what I can do later.

I've decided that I'll put money into searching for Baxter. Ever since what happened between us, he's been like a ghost. It's almost ironic, seeing as to how I've made somewhat of a ghost of myself. Over the years I've realized that there's a lot a like between us.

The main difference is Baxter is too confident and I would never stoop to his level of disrespect for others in general. I'm rebuilding my life from scrap and if I can help it, I'll never have to use my ninjitsu for anything more than defense again.

From now on, if I enter a battle, I will enter it with words. If I cannot simply use my words, then I'll find other ways. As much as some people should be punished, I never really enjoyed coating my hands in someone's blood. From now on, I'll coat my hands in their shame instead. If I can help it, Baxter will be my first and only victim.

--December 2010 Raphael

Christmas was actually more fun than I thought it would be. Mary, Rhonda, Emory, and me all went to some party Emory was throwing in his bar. Everyone I noticed was drunk off their butt, except the old man, Emory. A few people were so drunk /they/ hit on /me/. We all had a good time and then came back home and opened crap once we were sobered up a bit.

I gotta admit that I missed Master Splinter and the guys, even Leo. I kinda wanna write to see how things are going. I'm not going to though, because I know it'd all just be depressing. So there's no point. Maybe I'll do it later.

--December 2010 Leonardo

This Christmas was horrible. Michaelangelo did not bother to do anything this year aside from buying presents. He was not himself the entire time. The three of us just sat at the table, awkward and quiet. I tried to lighten the mood and I tried to cheer him up, but I cannot succeed where he excels.

A train is coming... I am standing hopelessly to the side of the tracks, waving my arms in attempt to get attention... And my family is about to perish in the collision.

--January 2011 Raphael

New Years wasn't much different than Christmas except for the presents. I really do like it here. The house is great, the bar is great, the town is great, Mary is great, Emory is great. Rhonda is the only thing that gets under my skin right now. Make that Rhonda and thinking about how things went with Donny.

Me and Rhonda just can't seem to get along. It's almost just like it was between me an Leo, only without the whole Leo being the "boss" problem.

--January 2011 Donatello

It's the month of the new year. So many people go on about how it's a new start. Usually I'd think of how preposterous that sounded. You can't become a completely different person just because another year has rolled around. How many broken friendships mend because people were given a 'clean start' because of the new year.

New Years meant so much more to me this year than the years prior, however. I'll have a job soon. No longer will I be just be some mutant ninja living in a sewer. I may be too busy to write any normal entries in this journal for a time.

I'm trying to get two or three different jobs. This is something that I know will be difficult. As much as I've grown to like this shelter, however, I can't stay forever. It's annoying hard to get privacy sometimes anyway.

--January 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear diary

New Years Eve...heh... It seems like such a waste this year. There's nothing to celebrate right now. I'm still trying to smile for Leo and dad, but it's harder now than it was before. It's hard not to think about Don and Raph with them gone.

Funny how much you notice the little things about people when they aren't around. Things like how Don's keyboard usually seemed like part of the 'silence' of the lair. You know, like how when everyone goes silent at once they can hear the clocks ticking (if any are around in the first place).

I used to write to you a lot more before all this mess started. There just isn't much to talk about anymore...

-Mikey

--January 2011 Leonardo

I am both happy and disappointed today. Master Splinter claims he can no longer teach me. He says he has taught all he knows. I cannot be done yet. I must be missing something. Surely I do not know as much as Master Splinter knows. It is certain that I do not think my master has lied to me.

However, I will try to continue my training. There must be ways I can learn more.

--January 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

I saw something on tv again today. This whole humanity getting used to mutants bit surprises me more all the time! Apparently some art school in California has opened it's doors to mutant students. Ok...after that I KNOW there's got to be more than just us five...or four of us. I'd go there but I don't really know where it is and I don't exactly have much money... They did say it WAS pretty cheap for mutants though. Hopefully if I keep a look out I can find more information.

Could be a way out of this place. It's not like Leo and dad really need me... I still kind of feel like I should be here for them though.

-Mikey

--January 2011 Raphael

Rhonda can be such a bitch. Outta no where she started threatening me about Mary. She was insulting me and saying I better be good to Mary. What the hell? I aint done crap to Mary and I don't know why she suddenly thinks I will now. That woman's lucky she's not a guy or I mighta smacked her around like a rag doll.

--January 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

I was looking into that place in California and decided that I'm going out there for the Spring. It was difficult and it took a long time for me to decide. Leo and Splinter will be fine with out me. I still have over a month to talk to dad and Leo about it...

-Mikey

--February 2011 Raphael

I've never been into the whole valentines day crap. Not like I ever had a reason to before anyway. I still think it's stupid NOW. Mary's into it though. So I spent the night out with Mary.

It was actually kinda nice, being all out on our lonesome like that. Not fun... but nice and peaceful... Something I should probably do more often. It's not my thing though...

--February 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

They should call today "Make single people feel like crap" day. I've always hated Valentines day. No one knows that, but there's a lot no one knows. It's not like I have a girl friend...not like I'll ever get one. Despite all the opening up to mutants stuff the humans are probably still going to hate me.

Yet everywhere I look...of course pictures and video of couples doing things are shoved at me. Valentines day is a crock enough on it's own. I can't help but wonder if it's just me that feels like this. Do humans feel like they're being reminded of what they think they can't have?

-Mikey

--February 2011 Donatello

Things are fairing well. I almost have enough to afford a place of my own. I would find it surprising to earn so much money so fast. Until I remember that I am not spending much beyond money for food. Hardly remembering to eat makes that quiet cheap. On top of that I am used to living with others. I own hardly anything now and I buy just as much.

Soon I will have a place of my own and I think I am already being considered for a promotion. Soon I should check into security. I still do not feel safe amongst the humans.

--February 2011 Leonardo

Since Master Splinter stopped teaching me I have been practicing many different things on my own. I cannot seem to find anything that keeps my interest, but I am trying hard. Master Splinter seems quite tired these days. It is as if he longs to be outside, but fears the outside world.

He has still been training Michaelangelo sometimes, as Michaelangelo is a bit behind me. It seems even harder to focus Michaelangelo, however. He usually is goofing off, but for a while now he has just been lost in thought. I am worried over what he may be thinking so hard of.

Maybe I should speak with him tomorrow?

--February 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

Seems I've been a bit transparent lately. That or Leo just noticed because he has a lot more free time now. He asked what was going on with me. I couldn't tell him because I wasn't expecting him to ask. So I'm still trying to plan the explanation in my head. I told him I'd tell tomorrow.

I've been struggling to finish the last of my ninjitsu training before I go. Things seem more difficult now. I don't know if I can cut it at this rate.

I'll never be a good ninja.

-Mikey

--February 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

I told them I was leaving. They took it easily enough. I wonder if I should be happy about that or not. Either way my plans are becoming solid now.

I'll take a train to California, and I already know what luggage I'm taking. All that's left is the buying the ticket and getting something to carry the luggage in.

-Mikey

--February 2011 Leonardo

I expected Michaelangelo would eventually leave too. At least he is going for good reasons AND he gave fair warning. It will only be master Splinter and me soon. I would not be surprised if he wanted to leave too, however, considering how he had seemed lately.

I should learn to go on without Master Splinter either way. He tried to teach me that, and I still rely on him too heavily. So, if he does not bring it up to me, I will suggest it to him. As much as I do not like the idea, I know master Splinter could use this after his eighteen years with us.

--February 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

I finished my ninja training with master Splinter after all! This makes me feel better about things. Of course I don't feel much better. Things still seem kind of cruddy. At least I have something now I can say I finished. I'm proud of that.

I'm going to miss Leo and dad after I'm gone. I know I'll miss them bad... It's not working out for me here though. Here I am just depressed with what's happened. And let's face it, despite how much I love dad and Leo, they aren't my idea of good people for me to live alone with.

They're so...well...THEM that they just depress me more.

-Mikey

--February 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary

Well this is it. It's the end of February and I managed to get on my way to California. I'm nervous because I have no idea of how schools work. So, I just hope I'm doing this right, or I'll be in deep crap.

Heh, imagine me, stranded in California...but it's too late to do much about it now. If I did screw up I can always find something else to do. I can find some way around things. It's not like I can't take the poor life if I have to.

I've always wanted to see California anyway...

-Mikey 


	4. 2011, Spring

Chapter 3

---Spring 2011

--March 2011 Raphael

All in all things have been really calm. Thing is, Mary's got that suspicious feeling going on again. It feels so much like she's afraid someone's going to catch her at something. If anything is wrong, there's sure as hell no one that wants to talk to me about it. I'd be starting to wonder if I made a mistake...but I've been here too long for that. If they had some plan in mind for me they would have done it by NOW. What the fuck is going on?

--March 2011 Donatello

I own my own apartment now. It's really small but it looks nice. I also need nothing bigger for now. It is mostly just a small living room/dining room/kitchen area with a bath room and a bed room.

I've already resumed with my inventions and somehow managed to impress my boss. It seems my lab work will be the key to my success after all.

--March 2011 Leonardo

The lair has settled into a very deep and unnatural seeming silence. I never thought I'd see the day that only Master Splinter and I were living alone. Yet here it is... Master Splinter's state still worries me a little. However, I do not let it worry me too much, given our situation.

--March 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear Diary,

Remember what I said about getting stranded in California? I shoulda kept my mouth shut...or hand still...or whatever. No need to fear though! Let me explain what happened.

Like I said, I don't know anything about how these schools work. So after hours and hours of wandering around I finally found my destination. However, I had no idea who to talk to or anything. So after a long time of more being lost, I was finally shown to the right place. Turned out these schools need some kinda warning you're coming and you have to pay first.

Thus, there I was, sitting in front of some school building with no money, no knowledge of the area, and probably no hope of getting back home at this rate. The thing is, after some time this woman passed by. She didn't really react to me at all at first. I was more shocked that she wasn't surprised by a mutant sitting around in plain sight than anything else. If I was a normal human I'd understand her paying no attention to the fact I was there but...

Anyway, she went into the school for some sort of meeting with the person I saw, I think. I say that because it didn't feel like it was that long at all before she came out again. This time she was looking right at me, though. Now I was kinda worried. She walked right over to me...

This woman looked like she was somewhere between her late 20s and early 30s. It was hard to tell though...her hair looked older than she did. The woman just stopped right beside me and looked down at me curiously before speaking up. I was amazed (and a bit paranoid) about how nice this total stranger was. Yet, she WAS asking questions about what sort of schooling I'd wanted to go into. So she knew that I got turned down...

It happened that this woman ran a branch some sort of entertainment company. The best way I can think to describe it is to say it's kinda like a waaaaay smaller, faaaaaar less popular, and not so family oriented Disney. Cartoons, live action movies, etc with no theme park, no mascot character, etc, etc, etc. She was at the school because she was signing up for some internships with some of their students.

I was really lucky that I showed up today! Apparently the guy I talked to found me so annoying and odd that he ranted to this woman about me. So she took interest and came to see me outside. Since I was thinking of trying to make use of my drawing or writing, this was a nice chance for me. This woman was really nice already, considering she was just offering some penniless mutant with no place to stay a job. I doubt things have progressed so far that jobs are /required/ to hire at least one mutant. I'm not even done yet though.

On top of what she was already doing, she also offered to pay for my food and an apartment for me to stay in until I had finished my training and had earned enough to take care of things myself. I have to admit I am still a bit suspicious of Mrs. Heron, but diner with her went well and nothing weird has happened here in the apartment... I really must have been lucky.

-Mikey

--March 2011 Leonardo

Master Splinter seems to be fairing well now. Other than that I do not really know what write of. Things have been very peaceful. It is too peaceful even for my liking, but I am thankful for peace none the less.

--March 2011 Raphael

This is strange. Mary went out sometime earlier today and she never came back. Rhonda keeps saying that it's ok. She says Mary does this sometimes. She COULD know better than I do, but Mary's never done this while I've known her. It's starting to worry me, but I'm going to listen to Rhonda.

--March 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

It's been really quiet here in the apartment. Not too much to talk about yet. I'll be starting job training tomorrow.

Beyond all that though, today was nice. I sat on the roof of the apartment and just relaxed. It was the first time I did anything like that in a long time. Of course, just sunning in the spring sun isn't very entertaining though... It was just a nice change laying there and clearing my mind like that. Of course, the rain started pouring down not long after I came back into the apartment. ...I wonder if there's anything good on tv tonight?

-Mikey

--April 2011 Raphael

Mary's not back yet...now I'm really getting worried. Rhonda seems convinced this isn't normal too. We're going to look for Mary tomorrow.

--April 2011 Raphael

Still no sign of Mary. What the hell happened? I'm so damn pissed at Rhonda for this. If we looked in the first place...

--April 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

Being in the animation business is harder then I thought it would be. The training has been surprisingly strict. Samantha/Mrs. Heron/my boss/my teacher kind of reminds me of dad with the way she seems so nice and kind and harmless...but if you give her a reason for it, she'll prove just how harsh she can get.

I've been working really hard though. It feels almost like I'm in some kind of dream... Everything isn't perfect, it just feels fake. After growing up like I did... to think I'd be here...doing this... I still keep wondering when I'll wake up to Leo telling me to get out of bed and train instead of waking up to an alarm clock and an empty apartment. ...I'm actually starting to wish someone else would move in with me soon.

The people where I'll be working (if nothing goes wrong with my training) seem pretty cool so far. I might talk about them once I've gotten to know them better. Things are boring when I'm not working or eating but I can't really complain since I'm in such a good position compared to where I COULD be.

-Mikey

--May 2011 Raphael

Whatever it was that had Rhonda insisting we not get the police involved in Mary's disappearance, she's forgotten it now. Maybe we'll have some chance of finding her now.

--May 2011 Raphael

Rhonda finally talked to me about Mary. Mary was in a relationship with some guy that was a part of some gang before. Rhonda didn't want the police involved because Mary was a known member of the gang before she moved to New York. She'd moved to New York to get away from the gang. Her ex didn't seem to hold a grudge but the gang wasn't just going to take her leaving like that.

Still no news on where the hell Mary is. Now I'm thinking the worst.

--May 2011 Raphael

I've been thinking. Mary must not have trusted me. I thought I knew her, but now I'm lost. Did she tell me ANYTHING about herself? Emory's been complaining about me and Rhonda. He's getting on my fuckin' nerves now. Why can't he just go bug someone else if he wants company so bad?

--May 2011 Leonardo

I cannot believe it. Master Splinter has told me he wishes to go on a trip to Japan for some time alone. I know he will likely return but it still bothers me. This seems so childish of me but I do not want to be left here alone. Yet I do not have a choice, as I do not wish to test humanity's tolerance of my kind.

I know my place as I have been in it all my life. I will stay and I will try to go on as if nothing has changed. Someone has to keep the place up for Master Splinter at least.

--May 2011 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

Now that I'm getting into the grove of this whole animation thing it's really fun. Of course it wouldn't be so cool if it wasn't for the people. I still don't have any room mates, but I've started hanging out with some interns I've been training with.

Not everyone's been completely welcoming of me here. I expected that, but it still hurts. It's almost like I was having a really good dream and then had someone slap me awake, only to realize I'm chained to a wall in the middle of who knows where. Some guy named George is usually a total ass when I'm around. The employees aren't all the most friendly people either. The cool people still outnumber the uncool ones though, so it's no big deal.

I usually hangout with Bethany and Justin. They've been showing me around the local areas of California, and they do things like paying for me to watch movies with them. We go to arcades sometimes. It's kind of annoying and kind of funny though...I'm like a fifth wheel. Bethany and Justin are one of those couples like I've seen on tv a lot. They're already in some sort of relationship but they're blind to it. A large part of the time I'm with them I'm either feeling like I'm in the way or I'm wondering when they'll just get on with it, kiss each other, and go to her place. Still, it's WAY better than sitting in an empty apartment all the time.

-Mikey

--May 2011 Raphael

The police finally called about Mary. They found her buried in some trash with a huge dent in her head. Before I felt so damn nervous, lost, angry an' all kinds of other annoying things. Now I just feel numb, like there's nothing wrong at all. I'm not Mr. Frigen Sunshine either... Feels like I was ripped out of myself...

--May 2011 Donatello

I write in this journal so little now. I am still progressing very well. I'll be moving into a bigger apartment next month so I have more room to work on my inventions. I have also been doing some side work repairing things for some of the people in this apartment building. Once I get into my new apartment I will stay there unless business causes me to have to move.

I am planning on quitting one of my jobs also. I have plenty of money to support myself now and I've began reaching the point that even I can't ignore how over worked I've become. It feels like things have been moving so fast for me since I left the lair.

--May 2011 Leonardo

I watched over Master Splinter as he managed to stealthily make his way into an airplane. I stayed where I was hidden away and watched as the plane left for Japan. I am officially alone now. I tried to do a lot to make up for it, but I wonder what will I do tomorrow? It is already obvious that I will not be able to carry on in this funk forever. There has to be something. 


End file.
